Show Humility , Patience, Love To Homosexuals

Over the past couple of months, I have been presented with an over abundance of questions regarding homosexuality. Whether the questions came from concerned parents, experimenting students, or activists on both sides of the issue, I have had to do a great deal of listening. Not only is this a controversial issue, it also is a complicated one to help people work through.

Sooner or later, we all are faced with homosexuality in some vein – whether it is a relative, friend, or coworker. My goal in this article is not to present a Biblical case for or against homosexuality. Rather I want to share some “real life” insights I have learned in discussing how to approach this sensitive topic with one of my college student leaders.

While over a working lunch the other day, this leader began sharing a story that made me think. Over the summer, he took a job as a waiter in a local eatery in Cincinnati, Ohio. He kept in contact with me by email most of the summer. In one of those emails he shared that he was being challenged, the reason being that the majority of the wait staff that he worked with was homosexual. Actually, six of the ten wait staff considered themselves practicing homosexuals. Yet in our lunch conversation, this college student did not express the typical Christian response to his challenge.

Instead he talked about how he was able to develop relationships with his coworkers by first laying down disagreements and looking for elements of common ground. Amazingly, some of that common ground happened to be issues of faith and God. Quickly he found himself in respectful conversations and building relationships of mutual trust. Not only did he learn the first principles in building relationships, he also demonstrated a positive method of communication with people different than he.

Some may assume, because he is of college age, he has a more “free thinking” view of homosexuality - that the world has broken him down or that the media has influenced him over the years. But this college student is not a homosexual and is not an advocate of homosexuality; rather he is what I would consider a conservative Christian.

In light of his story, he has helped me see the necessity to open arms with a loving embrace toward those who disagree with us about this issue, especially those for whom the concern is not an abstraction but a matter that impacts their daily lives. We as Christians should aspire to welcome and create opportunities for dialogue among people having differing views on homosexuality.

Instead of talking so much about homosexuals, I believe we need to talk with homosexuals – as my student did.

If we end up with differing beliefs about this explosive issue, it should be after we have heard them speak and respectfully talked about our disagreements. A German theologian once said, “…the truth about a given matter often emerges slowly, as a gift, as we make ourselves vulnerable through ongoing conversation with one another.” We Christians do not always present ourselves as a gift to our neighbors, especially those who differ from us in belief, lifestyle, denomination, etc… Most of the time, we close the door on those different from us, preach against them from the pulpit, even stare or make jokes about them in public. Wasn’t it Jesus who went to the tax collector’s home, allowed the prostitute to touch his feet, and shared parables where the despised of society ended up being the good guy (or should I say, Samaritan)?

That lunch with my student taught me three main things about approaching these issues:

1. We must show humility.

Such humility is not compromise. In respectful conversation, we seek to express our commitment to certain “truths” with clarity. But we must be open to the possibility that our understanding needs refinement. My student’s eyes were opened to relationships that could meet under common issues of faith and God – that spiritual formation could continue in the midst of trying to understand a person’s homosexual lifestyle.

2. We must show patience.

Patience is the hope that through ongoing respectful conversations, greater understanding will gradually emerge as a gift. It is just like when I give a loved-one a gift for Christmas. I have put thought into the gift because I know the person. I know their likes and dislikes. I have spent time with them – maybe over years or a lifetime. I cannot give a “special” gift to someone I just met. My student found common ground and slowly, patiently, over an entire summer began making in-roads.

3. We must show love.

Patience and humility need to be further complemented by love. Love is caring deeply for other persons, which starts by allowing them to express their views and their story. At our lunch, my student shared that he communicates on a regular basis with that wait staff from the summer. He prays for and even with some of them. He has broken down barriers, misconceptions, and has been able to share his faith and differing beliefs about homosexuality – and they are listening and dialoging.

In the end, I believe my student did the right thing. I am proud of him. He is making a lasting impression in God’s Kingdom and on our campus. I pray you and I have the patience to think through the issues, engage the people around us, and seek to find better ways to share the gift of Truth with our neighbors – no matter their lifestyles, beliefs or backgrounds.

First appeared in the FWLutheran November 2008
Robert S. Henry