Building Relationships Takes Putting Down Signs
Springtime always reminds me of newness, hope, renewal and life. And that reminds me of an annual event my church participated in when I served in Michigan. We were strongly involved in the local Right-to-Life campaign – specifically the program known as the “Life Chain.” Every spring our main event was to participate in a “silent protest” at a major intersection in our town. We would hold signs with phrases like “Abortion Kills Children”, “Thou Shalt Not Kill” and “Abortion Kills Two Lives” for nearly two hours on a Sunday afternoon. It wasn’t until a man running through our silent protest with a coat hanger looked directly at me and yelled some obscenities that I realized that just maybe I was sending the wrong message. Looking at it from a worldly perspective, there is no difference between his coat hanger and my sign. What began eating away at me was that I noticed no one (including myself) even attempted to say a thing to this man (I guess they were taking the “silent” protest seriously). That is, until he left – then everyone around broke out with condemning remarks and name calling.
It was then that I realized that we Christians often do not know how we sound to the rest of the world – and that is when I put my sign down for good. Let me explain.
[Please understand: I am “pro-life” – actually I consider myself trying to live a Biblically consistent ethic of life – meaning all of life is sacred not just those issues dealing with abortion. I would also include issues of economic injustice, euthanasia, capital punishment, and unjust war to be a part of my understanding of being “pro-life.”]
As believers, you and I often like to get on our soap boxes, hand out tracts, hold up signs or place them in our yard, even preach from our pulpits about our “issues,” and often it is to the neglect of actually building relationships with those in our pews, our neighborhoods, and ultimately our world. I will be the first to admit that relationships are complicated, messy and difficult and utilizing these other methods much easier. But be honest and ask yourself – who are your non-Christian friends? Or who do you consider a friend who has differing views than you do? The guy with the coat-hanger obviously wanted our attention as much as we wanted his. He was crying out for someone to hear him, all while we believed he should “hear” us – this was not relationship building or conversation, it honestly would get us nowhere but into a possible stand-off. The reality was it was possibly my sign that evoked this graphic response from this man.
Just as disturbing and anger-provoking as the message of the man with the coat hanger was to us, I believe we in the church simply do not know what our message often sounds like to the rest of the world. And some of that comes with arrogance. You and I have to admit it – we often could care less what others think. Most of the time we know we are right (and that may be true) - but to add insult to injury, we just will not listen.
If we listened for a minute, we might understand how “Abortion Kills Children” comes across as “We hate confused and stupid women who can only see abortion as the way out of their difficult life situation.” Something a sister in Christ told me she felt because she had been carrying the pain of an abortion with her for 20+ years. She went on to tell me that this misunderstood message stunted her faith development for those years – and remember she was a believer. We never know who may be sitting next to us even on Sunday morning. We must consider what people actually hear in our messages? Our signs? Our sermons?
And what if we don’t think that’s what we are saying? If that’s what others are hearing, what’s the difference? You and I can’t be concerned with whose fault it is – we can’t accept this communication breakdown. We must ask ourselves, “Should the burden be on our lips or their ears?” I guess it all depends on whether you and I want to have a conversation or we simply want to be right. I find Jesus engaging the conversation more often than looking to prove himself right (and if anyone could have proven Himself – Jesus could have.)
I am starting to believe we have a lot to work on in the way we communicate with each other – both inside and outside the church. In our day, Christianity has become a “bad word” with a dubious meaning, especially in American society. Just maybe that is because we don’t care how we sound to those who don’t agree with us. I found Dan Merchant’s question in his book “Lord, Save Us From Your Followers” to be a place to start: “Are we trying to fit Jesus into what we’re doing as a people, as a country? Or are we trying to fit into what Jesus is doing?”
This article first appeared in the FWLutheran, May 2009
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